Quit Anniversary

This past Saturday, (1/22/2011) was my Quit Anniversary. It's been one year since I quit smoking, and that feels pretty damn good. I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself. It wasn't easy, but it also wasn't the worst thing ever either. Notice that I didn't say it's been one year since I've had a cigarette. I've had several slip ups in the last year, but to some extent, I guess that is to be expected. The fact that I was able to continue my quit after a moment of weakness shows my commitment to this quit. I still consider 1/22 my quit-iversary, since it's the last time I was a full-time smoker. I'd really like 2011 to be an entirely tobacco free year, and I know I have the self control to make that happen.

I can truly say that quitting smoking was the best thing I've ever done for myself. That being said, I haven't really noticed a HUGE difference in the way I feel. I do know that I don't wake up coughing every morning. My clothes don't smell, and I've even started wearing perfume every day, just to remind myself of how good I smell without cigarettes! There have been a couple of times that I've caught a cold, and kept waiting for it to get worse, or to head down into my lungs and hang around for a few weeks making me hack. Surprisingly, that never happened! I had a cold a few weeks ago, that I was sure was about go into my chest and give me a nasty cough. Well, I got a sore throat, but that was it. No cough! I KNOW that if I was still smoking, that virus would've hung around making me cough for weeks. So really, it's the little things that reward me for my efforts.

I read this quote on one of the weekly quit smoking emails that I still receive (and still look forward to):

"I'd rather be a non-smoker who thinks about smoking once in awhile, than a smoker who constantly thinks about quitting"

I could not agree more with this statement, and wish I had come up with it myself! It is so true. For years before I quit, I thought about quitting almost every single time I light a cigarette. It feels so good to not feel that guilt anymore. Sure, I still think about smoking, but it's only once in a while, not every day. Usually, I realize how much I don't want one, instead of wishing I could have one. This whole experience has been an amazing personal transformation that I was never really sure I could accomplish. Now that I have, I am so proud of myself for trying and for succeeding!

Guilty

I have a confession: I took a hit of a cigarette. Not just one hit, more like 5 hits. Yes, I'd been drinking, but that is not an excuse. Yes, I went off the Chantix, but that shouldn't be an excuse either. I think maybe that I wanted to test myself. To see if I hated it yet (I didn't). To see if I could hit it, just once. I totally broke my Not One Puff Ever rule. And now I know why that is the rule, because it's NEVER just one puff. The good news is that I haven't smoked since then. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it though. I thought about it all the next day, and in the days that followed, probably because the nicotine was in my system again. I guess it was a good thing, because I proved to myself that I can't have just one. I know they say that all the time, it's the junkie thinking, and it causes relapses all the time, but now I've experienced it firsthand. I'm disappointed in myself for giving in so easily, but I suppose the important part is that I haven't, and won't give in again. I can't give in again. I've put too much effort into this quit to give up now, not to mention how hard it would be to quit again. I need to recommit myself to putting forth more effort in tempting situations, and remind myself of the reasons why I decided to quit smoking.

Update

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've blogged! I guess not much has changed. I'm still NOT smoking, and still working out and eating healthy (for the most part). I've been forgetting to take my Chantix sometimes, but haven't really noticed a difference when I forget and when I take it. I'd like to stop taking it, but I really want this Quit to work, and I've read that if you don't take it the whole 90 days, you have a greater chance of relapse. I just got my last Continuing Month pack from the Pharmacy, and will continue to take it twice a day, assuming I remember to. I still think about smoking almost daily, but it's not like I really want one, just thinking about what it would be like to have one. I've heard that the urge doesn't really go away, which is hard, but it feels so much better to watch the urge pass unfulfilled.

I am going on vacation in a week, which will be an interesting test. I won't smoke, but I will be around smokers more than I have been since I quit, which will be a challenge. I will try to eat as healthy as possible, but unfortunately, down South, they like their food fried! I will probably be walking more than usual, which is good, and I will try to make it to the gym at least once while I am down there. But I know that it is a vacation, and I have to let myself indulge, as long as I can get back on track when I get back home. Everything has been crazy lately, and it will really be nice to get to SC and unwind in true Southern style. I can't wait!

I am a Champion!

Tonight marks 4 weeks tobacco-free! I'm pretty proud of myself, even though it hasn't been as hard as I expected. It also hasn't been rewarding as I expected, so I guess that is the trade-off. Today I had my Personal Health Assessment at work, and I told the nurse that I had recently joined a weight loss program and quit smoking. She said "Good for you!" and asked if I would mind filling out a Your Plan For Health Champion Testimonial form. I said, of course! It was basically just a form detailing my accomplishments, that they keep on file and may choose to feature in a newsletter at some point. I thought that was pretty cool, although if they decide to include a picture, I hope they take a new one!

I am actually glad that I decided to write this blog, because it helps me reflect on the things I am going through. Sometimes I do take a pessimistic attitude and think that it hasn't been easy and that it's unfair that I am quitting when I see/know other people are still smoking (Hi Mom and Dad!). I don't feel empowered, or whatever it is that I thought I would feel, and sometimes it's much harder than I let on. It's a daily internal struggle that I deal with, and at certain times, it's hard not to just give in. It is much harder to drive right past the Sunoco if I am upset or stressed out, but I am getting good at reminding myself that even if I did decide to smoke, it would not make me feel any better or different. It would only make me feel guilty for failing.

I think the weight loss/eating better is easier to focus on, because it involves decisions that I make constantly. I walk past the candy on the front desk several times a day, and consciously decide not to grab a piece. Or I decide to stay in for lunch when I know I'm going out later, even if people are going to my favorite restaurant. And then I get rewarded when I weigh in that week (another 2 lb loss this week!), or when I realize I need to buy new work pants because mine are starting to fall down. With smoking, or rather, NOT smoking, the decision is more subconscious, and there's no tangible evidence of it. Sure, I get to say 'no' when people ask if I've smoked, and I'm somewhat proud of the fact that I don't have lighters to offer when people need to light birthday cakes, because I've ALWAYS been the girl that people ask for a flame, or to bum a cigarette. And it does feel good to say no (assuming they can find another way to light a birthday candle, so no one has to go with candles on their cake!). But there is no number on the scale, no real physical way to measure the success of not smoking. I do have the counter on my blog, and that is nice to refer to. I don't know, I guess I just don't feel as successful about quitting smoking as I do about losing weight. I don't feel as though I've truly 'succeeded' at quitting, even though I haven't smoked. Maybe it will just take more time to feel successful. My daily activity said that it is time to celebrate my success! I just need to figure out how and what to splurge on for my one month free. Any ideas? No Coach purse yet, I have to wait at least 3 months for that! I was thinking maybe a manicure, or something small like that.

3 Weeks Down, Forever to Go

Now that I have 3 weeks under my belt, I am starting to feel like more of an 'ex' smoker. They say it takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit (who are 'they'??) so I guess I've broken the habit. I definitely still think about smoking at least once a day, and when I see packs of cigarettes in the store, it makes me a little sad to know that I won't ever be buying that blue and white pack of Parliaments again. Sometimes I remind myself that those little packs were costing me a lot of money, and were soo not worth it.

I still don't feel any different. My lungs don't feel clearer, my sinuses are still kind of stuffy (even with my neti pot!), I still have dark circles under my eyes. I'm still slowly noticing the taste buds reviving themselves. And I definitely can tell my sense of smell has improved. The air fresheners in my house and car are a welcomed joy! I've also been using my Juicy perfume regularly, since it's not going to be wasted just to cover up the smell of smoke.

I've been doing pretty well on the Weight Watchers plan too. I lost 1.2 lbs at Weigh In last week, but only .2 this week. Oh well, a loss is a loss, at least it's not a gain! I've been going to the gym at least every Wednesday, and sometimes I'll go a second day. I really need to get to the point where I'm going at least 3 times a week. This past week, I went on Monday, and struggled to stay on the elliptical for even just 20 minutes, and the bike for 10. But Wednesday, with my gym buddy, E, I was able to run for 28 minutes (at a pretty high intensity), and 20 min on the bike! On top of that, I've been doing weight machines and crunches. I am kind of starting to notice a difference when I look in the mirror.

I'm trying to cook more and eat out less, and I think that has been pretty successful. Except that twice this week, I forgot my packed lunch at home, oops. I've been eating dinner at home during the week, and MOST days I pack lunch, saving my dining out occasions for the weekends.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with how I've been doing, but I definitely see room for improvements.

2 Week Mark!

It's been almost exactly two weeks since I smoked my LAST cigarette! Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday, and sometimes it seems like it's been forever. Most of the time, when I can just avoid thinking about it, it's not so hard. But sometimes, when I'm bored at home, it can be very frustrating! I need to come up with new ways to distract myself, things that I did not use to do while smoking. I've been slacking on my diet a little bit too. I'm still within my points, but I've been snacking a LOT more. For the most part, it's been healthy snacks, but sometimes I choose not so healthy snacks. I think indulging in candy occasionally is my way of rewarding myself for not smoking, which is not necessarily a bad thing. In the long run, an unhealthy snack here or there is much better than continuing to smoke! I haven't made it to the gym as much as I'd like, but there is always room to improve there. Overall, I'd say quitting has been much easier than I had expected to be (mostly because of the Chantix, I'm sure), but the urges are a bitch! Not fun. At least it makes me realize that I can't EVER start smoking again because it SUCKS to quit!

Week 2

Well, I made it through Week One. Overall, it was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be. There was some rough times, of course, but it was tolerable. Hopefully, this week will be better. It should keep getting easier, I think. I think I've broken the habit and the addiction, and the important thing now is to realize that I can never take even one single puff. NOPE - Not One Puff Ever.