Passing the 4 day mark

Day 4 and still going strong. For the most part it's been okay, but sometimes I get really frustrated. I don't feel like I'm about to break down and smoke, but more like I just want to throw a temper tantrum! Like a little kid at the toy store whose parents won't buy her what she wants. And let me tell you, I was a pretty spoiled child and it is not easy for me not to get what I want! I am trying to stay busy, so it's a good thing there is enough to clean at my apartment to keep me busy for at least a month.

I haven't had too many side effects from the Chantix. Still vivid dreams, and sometimes nausea. I've noticed I've been really tired lately, but I'm not sure if that is from the drug or the nicotine withdrawal. I fall asleep almost as soon as I hit the pillow, but usually, it's always taken me awhile to fall sleep. Now I find that I can't even really read before I go to sleep, which kinda sucks because I love to read, and that is really the only time I get to read!

I filled my house and car with air fresheners, and I can actually smell them now! It used to smell like fragrance over cigarette smoke, but now it just smells clean! I just need to keep focusing on the positives, and keeping myself occupied, and it will continue to get easier.

Quit Day

So today is my Quit Day, and it's going pretty well. I can only hope it continues to go well. I was fine on the drive to work this morning, and fine at lunch when I drove to get food. I was really worried about the 'trigger' of driving, but I've found that if I turn on some good music and sing along, I hardly think about smoking. I'm a little bit surprised, but pleased, with myself. It helps to read about it on the Internet I think, because it keeps me thinking about only the negative aspects. It really hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. At work, someone asked me if I had a lighter, to light birthday candles on a cake. It was the first time in my life that I could say no, I quit smoking. I did track down some matches for him to use, but just being able to say no when he asked was a great feeling. I have driven by several gas stations today, and did not once have the urge to stop and buy cigarettes. I'm sure the Chantix is helping, but I think a lot of it is that I am finally ready to quit. Wish me luck!

Fail

Yesterday was supposed to be my Quit Day, and it came and went and I am still smoking. Much less, but still something. I didn't feel prepared, and I still can't give up that morning smoke. It's not like I even want it anymore, but I just can't give it up. Yesterday I only had 3, which, if you know me, is really good for me. I can't remember the last time I only had 3 cigarettes in a day. I've already had one this morning, and I regret it. I think the problem was that I still had some in my purse. I don't think I would've stopped to buy some, but since it was convenient, I had one. I promised myself that this was my last pack, so only 2 left, no matter what.

My Chantix dose doubled yesterday, and I felt okay in the morning, but when I took the second dose last night, at dinner, it made my stomach hurt something fierce. Of course, I still went outside to have my after dinner cigarette (third and final of the day), even though I felt super nauseous. I guess I am just that dedicated. I felt like I was gonna throw up for 20 min or so, and finally ate some Tums, which I think helped me feel better. I haven't taken my first dose today yet, because I am waiting to take it with my lunch so it (hopefully) won't make me sick.

I can tell I am already going through nicotine withdrawal, because I have a lingering headache, and I am very cranky! But I can definitely tell that the urge to smoke has decreased dramatically. I still think about it (a lot, more than I would like, or care to admit) but it is much easier to deny the urge, and then it passes. I am starting to break myself of the habit. Yesterday at work, I didn't have one from the time I arrived until the time I left. That is the first time since I can remember that I didn't smoke at lunch. I won't have one today either. And I may try not to have one for the rest of the day. I feel ready, or at least more ready than I have been before. I guess we will see!

Making the decision

I've been thinking about quitting smoking for awhile now, and even more seriously in the last couple of months. I wanted to start a blog to track my journey on the road to smoke-free. I've finally decided that there is no better time than the present to make changes, and this is one of the things I need to do. I hate to admit it, but the thought of life without cigarettes scares me a little. I know I am going to need more than just my own willpower to get through this, and I am going to take Chantix to help, along with the support of my friends and family. I've never tried to stop smoking before, and I am kind of nervous. I've decided to approach it as a trial period, to see what life without cigarettes is like, without the pressure of trying to make this a permanent life change. Hopefully, it will only take once, and I will remain an ex-smoker for life, but I will not beat myself up if it takes me a couple of tries.

So this is where my story begins I guess. I started Weight Watchers in November, and that has been going pretty well. I've been doing a good job of tracking everything I eat and drink. Some people think that it's a bad idea to try to quit smoking and lose weight at the same time, but I think they go hand in hand. I think it will be easier for me to motivate myself to get to the gym, and I think getting to the gym will keep me from smoking. I think it will be easiest to change all three things (eating, exercise and smoking) all at once.

So here goes! I'm filled the Chantix prescription tonight, and will start taking it tomorrow morning. I will try to post daily, or every couple of days, with my triumphs and setbacks, feelings and concerns. Thanks for reading!