Guilty

I have a confession: I took a hit of a cigarette. Not just one hit, more like 5 hits. Yes, I'd been drinking, but that is not an excuse. Yes, I went off the Chantix, but that shouldn't be an excuse either. I think maybe that I wanted to test myself. To see if I hated it yet (I didn't). To see if I could hit it, just once. I totally broke my Not One Puff Ever rule. And now I know why that is the rule, because it's NEVER just one puff. The good news is that I haven't smoked since then. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about it though. I thought about it all the next day, and in the days that followed, probably because the nicotine was in my system again. I guess it was a good thing, because I proved to myself that I can't have just one. I know they say that all the time, it's the junkie thinking, and it causes relapses all the time, but now I've experienced it firsthand. I'm disappointed in myself for giving in so easily, but I suppose the important part is that I haven't, and won't give in again. I can't give in again. I've put too much effort into this quit to give up now, not to mention how hard it would be to quit again. I need to recommit myself to putting forth more effort in tempting situations, and remind myself of the reasons why I decided to quit smoking.