I am a Champion!

Tonight marks 4 weeks tobacco-free! I'm pretty proud of myself, even though it hasn't been as hard as I expected. It also hasn't been rewarding as I expected, so I guess that is the trade-off. Today I had my Personal Health Assessment at work, and I told the nurse that I had recently joined a weight loss program and quit smoking. She said "Good for you!" and asked if I would mind filling out a Your Plan For Health Champion Testimonial form. I said, of course! It was basically just a form detailing my accomplishments, that they keep on file and may choose to feature in a newsletter at some point. I thought that was pretty cool, although if they decide to include a picture, I hope they take a new one!

I am actually glad that I decided to write this blog, because it helps me reflect on the things I am going through. Sometimes I do take a pessimistic attitude and think that it hasn't been easy and that it's unfair that I am quitting when I see/know other people are still smoking (Hi Mom and Dad!). I don't feel empowered, or whatever it is that I thought I would feel, and sometimes it's much harder than I let on. It's a daily internal struggle that I deal with, and at certain times, it's hard not to just give in. It is much harder to drive right past the Sunoco if I am upset or stressed out, but I am getting good at reminding myself that even if I did decide to smoke, it would not make me feel any better or different. It would only make me feel guilty for failing.

I think the weight loss/eating better is easier to focus on, because it involves decisions that I make constantly. I walk past the candy on the front desk several times a day, and consciously decide not to grab a piece. Or I decide to stay in for lunch when I know I'm going out later, even if people are going to my favorite restaurant. And then I get rewarded when I weigh in that week (another 2 lb loss this week!), or when I realize I need to buy new work pants because mine are starting to fall down. With smoking, or rather, NOT smoking, the decision is more subconscious, and there's no tangible evidence of it. Sure, I get to say 'no' when people ask if I've smoked, and I'm somewhat proud of the fact that I don't have lighters to offer when people need to light birthday cakes, because I've ALWAYS been the girl that people ask for a flame, or to bum a cigarette. And it does feel good to say no (assuming they can find another way to light a birthday candle, so no one has to go with candles on their cake!). But there is no number on the scale, no real physical way to measure the success of not smoking. I do have the counter on my blog, and that is nice to refer to. I don't know, I guess I just don't feel as successful about quitting smoking as I do about losing weight. I don't feel as though I've truly 'succeeded' at quitting, even though I haven't smoked. Maybe it will just take more time to feel successful. My daily activity said that it is time to celebrate my success! I just need to figure out how and what to splurge on for my one month free. Any ideas? No Coach purse yet, I have to wait at least 3 months for that! I was thinking maybe a manicure, or something small like that.

3 Weeks Down, Forever to Go

Now that I have 3 weeks under my belt, I am starting to feel like more of an 'ex' smoker. They say it takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit (who are 'they'??) so I guess I've broken the habit. I definitely still think about smoking at least once a day, and when I see packs of cigarettes in the store, it makes me a little sad to know that I won't ever be buying that blue and white pack of Parliaments again. Sometimes I remind myself that those little packs were costing me a lot of money, and were soo not worth it.

I still don't feel any different. My lungs don't feel clearer, my sinuses are still kind of stuffy (even with my neti pot!), I still have dark circles under my eyes. I'm still slowly noticing the taste buds reviving themselves. And I definitely can tell my sense of smell has improved. The air fresheners in my house and car are a welcomed joy! I've also been using my Juicy perfume regularly, since it's not going to be wasted just to cover up the smell of smoke.

I've been doing pretty well on the Weight Watchers plan too. I lost 1.2 lbs at Weigh In last week, but only .2 this week. Oh well, a loss is a loss, at least it's not a gain! I've been going to the gym at least every Wednesday, and sometimes I'll go a second day. I really need to get to the point where I'm going at least 3 times a week. This past week, I went on Monday, and struggled to stay on the elliptical for even just 20 minutes, and the bike for 10. But Wednesday, with my gym buddy, E, I was able to run for 28 minutes (at a pretty high intensity), and 20 min on the bike! On top of that, I've been doing weight machines and crunches. I am kind of starting to notice a difference when I look in the mirror.

I'm trying to cook more and eat out less, and I think that has been pretty successful. Except that twice this week, I forgot my packed lunch at home, oops. I've been eating dinner at home during the week, and MOST days I pack lunch, saving my dining out occasions for the weekends.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with how I've been doing, but I definitely see room for improvements.

2 Week Mark!

It's been almost exactly two weeks since I smoked my LAST cigarette! Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday, and sometimes it seems like it's been forever. Most of the time, when I can just avoid thinking about it, it's not so hard. But sometimes, when I'm bored at home, it can be very frustrating! I need to come up with new ways to distract myself, things that I did not use to do while smoking. I've been slacking on my diet a little bit too. I'm still within my points, but I've been snacking a LOT more. For the most part, it's been healthy snacks, but sometimes I choose not so healthy snacks. I think indulging in candy occasionally is my way of rewarding myself for not smoking, which is not necessarily a bad thing. In the long run, an unhealthy snack here or there is much better than continuing to smoke! I haven't made it to the gym as much as I'd like, but there is always room to improve there. Overall, I'd say quitting has been much easier than I had expected to be (mostly because of the Chantix, I'm sure), but the urges are a bitch! Not fun. At least it makes me realize that I can't EVER start smoking again because it SUCKS to quit!