Tonight marks 4 weeks tobacco-free! I'm pretty proud of myself, even though it hasn't been as hard as I expected. It also hasn't been rewarding as I expected, so I guess that is the trade-off. Today I had my Personal Health Assessment at work, and I told the nurse that I had recently joined a weight loss program and quit smoking. She said "Good for you!" and asked if I would mind filling out a Your Plan For Health Champion Testimonial form. I said, of course! It was basically just a form detailing my accomplishments, that they keep on file and may choose to feature in a newsletter at some point. I thought that was pretty cool, although if they decide to include a picture, I hope they take a new one!
I am actually glad that I decided to write this blog, because it helps me reflect on the things I am going through. Sometimes I do take a pessimistic attitude and think that it hasn't been easy and that it's unfair that I am quitting when I see/know other people are still smoking (Hi Mom and Dad!). I don't feel empowered, or whatever it is that I thought I would feel, and sometimes it's much harder than I let on. It's a daily internal struggle that I deal with, and at certain times, it's hard not to just give in. It is much harder to drive right past the Sunoco if I am upset or stressed out, but I am getting good at reminding myself that even if I did decide to smoke, it would not make me feel any better or different. It would only make me feel guilty for failing.
I think the weight loss/eating better is easier to focus on, because it involves decisions that I make constantly. I walk past the candy on the front desk several times a day, and consciously decide not to grab a piece. Or I decide to stay in for lunch when I know I'm going out later, even if people are going to my favorite restaurant. And then I get rewarded when I weigh in that week (another 2 lb loss this week!), or when I realize I need to buy new work pants because mine are starting to fall down. With smoking, or rather, NOT smoking, the decision is more subconscious, and there's no tangible evidence of it. Sure, I get to say 'no' when people ask if I've smoked, and I'm somewhat proud of the fact that I don't have lighters to offer when people need to light birthday cakes, because I've ALWAYS been the girl that people ask for a flame, or to bum a cigarette. And it does feel good to say no (assuming they can find another way to light a birthday candle, so no one has to go with candles on their cake!). But there is no number on the scale, no real physical way to measure the success of not smoking. I do have the counter on my blog, and that is nice to refer to. I don't know, I guess I just don't feel as successful about quitting smoking as I do about losing weight. I don't feel as though I've truly 'succeeded' at quitting, even though I haven't smoked. Maybe it will just take more time to feel successful. My daily activity said that it is time to celebrate my success! I just need to figure out how and what to splurge on for my one month free. Any ideas? No Coach purse yet, I have to wait at least 3 months for that! I was thinking maybe a manicure, or something small like that.
A manicure would be nice. I won a free facial thing from Mary Kay, you could do that with me;) I think you have a lot to be proud of, you have made it very far. I have a friend whose prescription for Chantix is about to expire, I tell her how you are doing to try and inspire her. I hope she does it soon so she can be healthier like you!!
ReplyDelete